Family Guy Porn Story: Starring Chris Griffin Chapter 1

Family Guy Porn Story: Starring Chris Griffin Chapter 1

Starring Chris Griffin

by

Mike Kocher

(Opening shot,Peter is reading a book to Stewie)

Peter:Heres what happened after Horton heard the Who.

Stewie: Let me guess everyone believes his ludicrous story and he becomes the belle of the ball?

Peter in a sweet voice:No he is declared insane and has to spend the rest of his life in a mental health facility.

(Opening music)

(Next shot,the Peter and Brian are around the breakfast table,it is early and not everyone has woken up)

Peter:Brian do you have the newspaper

Brian:Peter you never read it

Peter: Yeah but could you at least hand me the lingerie adds?

Brian in a unpleased tone: All right.

(Peter then goes to the cereal cabinet)

Peter:Oh boy Coca Pebbles!

(Barney Rubble comes and steals them)

Peter:Barney my pebbles! No fair last week it was my Flintstones vitamins!

(Brian folds up his newspaper and turns on the news)

Tom Tucker:Good Morning Quahog Im Tom Tucker.

Diane Sawyer:And Im Diane Sawyer

Tom: You asked for it and now were on in the early means I have to spend even more time with this arrogant bitch Thanks Quahog.

Diane:Oh I love spending time with an orangutang the network found and shaved to be a newscaster.

Tom:They werent supposed to know that.

Diane ignoring the statement: A brand new movie is going to be filmed in our very own town. And they are still casting a major role for a young male ages 10-15.

Tom:Wow that sounds exciting.

Diane:Yes Tom but theres no chance your inbred son will get the part.

Tom clenching his fist: Ive had it up to hear with you!

(Peter turns off the T.V before the fight begins)

Brian:Thats quite the opportunity.

Peter:Yeah too bad I wasnt a young male ages 10-15.

Brian with a hinting tone:I think you know someone that is.

Peter:Who? what? Tell me Brian!

Brian:Someone very close to you.

Peter:Who?

Brian:A special relative

Peter:Give it to me straight Brian,I havent been this confused since the ending of the Empire Strikes Back

(Cut to Peter in theatre watching the Empire Strikes Back.)

Vader:No I am your father!

Peter:How can he be Lukes father? He doesnt even have a penis!

(Flashforward)

Brian:For Goodness sakes Chris you moron!

Peter:Oh yeah Chris! I could teach him to be a star.

Lois enters

Lois:Whats all this noise.

Peter:Chris is going to be in the new movie!

Brian:Wait a minute Peter he has to audition first.

Peter:Oh yeah,forget it that part is too hard to get past.

(Flash to Peter auditioning for Titanic)

Rose/Kate Winslet:Ill never let go Jack

Peter:Me Neither

Rose:Peter you can stop touching my breasts.

(Peter still is grabbing the breasts)

Rose:AHHH Get him out of here!

(Policemen come and beat up Peter)

Lois:Well maybe you could get Chris ready for the audtion,you too havent spent much time together recently.

Peter:Or better yet…

(Flash to The Godfathers office)

The Godfather: Peter tell me about this Hollywood Pezzonovanta who won’t let your son work.

Peter: Well Godfather he owns the studio. Just a month ago he bought-

(Flashback)

Lois:On second thought Ill get Chris ready.

Peter:Great Ill watch tv and get drunk.

(Cut to later in the day,Lois is in the car with Chris)

Lois:Chris we havent spent much time together recently and I was thinking about how much you love movies.

(Chris is watching Barney the Movie)

Announcer:The Film you are about to see is rated R for Retarded

Barney:Hi Kids

(Chris laughs and claps his hands)

Chris:Yeah

Lois:Well theres going to be a new movie filming in Quahog and if we work together you could maybe be in it.

Chris:Wow that sounds like fun.

Lois:Glad to hear your go to the library to get some books on acting.

(Cut to Peter,Brian,Meg,and Stewie watching TV)

Meg:Dad since Chris and Mom are gone could I go to the mall.

Peter:I dont know sounds iffy,I better give you some extra money in case you dont find your way home.

(Meg has a pleased look on her face)

Peter:Talk about good parenting

Brian:You just gave her three times her weekly allowance.

Stewie to himself:Maybe I too could somehow take advantage of the fat mans stupidity.

(Peter is watching the television)

Announcer:We now return to the Best of British humor.

Comedian:Knickers!

Peter:Hahaha Thats english for a bra.

(Stewie walks toward him)

Stewie:Daddy could you take me to the Toy store.

Peter:I dont know Stewie,Im not that found of Toy stores.

(Cut to Peter in a Toy store.)

Peter:Wow a Tickle Me Elmo

(Peter tickles him)

Elmo:Let go of me bad man.

(A Larger female Elmo muppet comes)

Female Elmo:Let go of my son you pervert!

(Flashforward)

Peter:I suppose so Stewie.

(Cut to Stewies room,Stewie is talking to Rupert)

Stewie:Alas Rupert we can finally have a commander above the price of 4.95 to help see our mission succeed.

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